Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Comparing Notes?

Today Cullen noticed something I would have NEVER thought he would have actually noticed. He asked why I had a picture of me holding toddler-age Lila up close and one of me holding toddler-age Carson up close and don't have one of me holding toddler-age Cullen up close. I do have one that my sister-in-law took and I only have one. It is sweet but it is not in a frame anywhere. Who would have thought Cullen, who I have to remind to comb his hair and change his clothes, would have noticed this? I showed him the picture in the scrapbook and said I would make a copy and frame it too. The way I REALLY wanted to reply would have made him turn red and be too embarrassed to ever ask a question again. I wanted to say...
"Yes, but I breast-fed you the longest, sweetie..."


When I am feeling especially overwhelmed or tied down God sends me a message to help me realize my blessings. As much as I am restrained by my children I am also empowered by them and I literally would not want to be here without them. Today I was frustrated by the screaming, messiness, and general disobedience of my children. I was wondering why I hadn't put Lila in daycare for the summer (this mama needs a break!) and why I didn't enroll the boys in more camps. Then a friend on Face book posted a link to her friend's blog about the shocking and sudden death of the friend's 14 month old baby. That was God's message to me to suck it up and count my blessings. My blessings are plentiful.

The same thing happened a little over nine years ago. I was pretty depressed after Carson was born. I was overwhelmed and had very little help with a two year old and a newborn at home. Kevin was working hard, like usual, and my grandmother was sick and then passed away, which kept my mom busy emotionally and physically. She was unable to help as much with newborn Carson as she had with Cullen. In May of 2002 Carson was almost six months old, Cullen was two, and, between lack of sleep and a bout of pneumonia (which I suffered from and recovered from without help with the children... they just laid on the sofa bed with me for a week), I was feeling down, drained, and was wallowing in self pity. At the end of the May a girl I knew was driving between Baton Rouge and Lafayette and was in a terrible car crash with her almost three year old and her older son, who was about ten. Little Cole was killed in the crash and his mother, Amy, was injured so badly that she was in the hospital for weeks and unable to attend his funeral. That terrible accident helped bring me out of my depression. My children and I were alive and well; it was time to live our lives and enjoy it! Through the loss of one little boy's life I was able to realize that I needed to value my life and my blessings more.

I hope that I can remember this every day this summer, even if there are a few moments where I forget the treasure that I have.